Fork in life

I have often been struck by the wide variance I see in our life consequent to a certain decision taken at a particular time in our lives. Marriage may be the obvious event which characterizes the "fork" (let us call it a fork in our life). However, there are other significant events that may have occurred in our journey and it is important to recognize them.

I can think of one of the most important "forks" in my life. It was an entrance test for admission to a 3-year BE program at Indian Institute of Science, Bangalore in 1977. There were 4 papers that one had to take. Physics, Mathematics, and General Knowledge were compulsory, while for the fourth paper one had a choice. One could either choose Chemistry or Advanced Mathematics. I had just completed my B.Sc. with a major in Physics (major signified that I had 8 papers in Physics spread over 3 years, whereas for the minors, that is, Chemistry and Mathematics, I had two papers each) and hence just before the commencement of the "optional paper", my friends and I were debating as to which would be a better choice which could maximize the probability of our admission to the Institute. I was undecided and realized with a sinking heart that neither would in my case! My friends decided to opt for Advanced Mathematics since Chemistry was our minor and it was felt that we didn't have the necessary "memory" to remember all the complex formulas that would most likely be asked.

The one good thing about this option was that we could defer the decision of our choice till the time of the distribution of the question papers. I was still undecided when we sat down in the exam hall. My mind was in a confused state. I thought my advanced maths level was just average; but my chemistry knowledge was no better. What should I do? I cursed myself for not trying for REC's immediately after my Higher Secondary. I remembered a cousin who after seeing my marks had commented that I could have got a seat in REC Trichy and a good branch without any trouble. And entrance to REC's was only based on Higher Secondary marks.There was no entrance exam. I cursed my decision to do a B.Sc. course without thinking through the consequences of doing an under-graduate program in sciences when research was not my cup of tea. I should have known. I flunked a project for my National Science talent and did a very poor job. That experience should have taught me important lessons in understanding my capabilities. I was a fool twice over. I thought I had no future.

The invigilator had commenced distribution of the question papers and he was asking each candidate which paper he/she wanted to write. As far as I can recollect now, most had a very assured air about them when they said, "Chemistry" or "Advanced Mathematics". I was still unsure. The invigilator was moving closer towards me with two bundles of question papers in his hand. I had to take a decision. This was going to be one of the most important decisions in my life. Which paper should I write? Could someone help me? Please...

Time marches on inexorably. We sometimes want Father Time to stop, but it doesn't. The invigilator was performing his duty with utmost efficiency and before I realized it, he was near me. "Chemistry? or Advanced Mathematics?" he asked with raised eyebrows. I may have hesitated for a micro-second before blurting out 'Chemistry'. He calmly handed over the Chemistry paper before moving on, scarcely noticing the terror he had left in his wake. My choice was instinctive, not based on a serious introspection of my capabilities and limitations. I was a fool not to have seriously thought it over and prepared more systematically. It was too late. My fate was sealed now.

The questions asked are buried deep in the archives of my memory bank (or so I hope), so I do not remember even one question. I was in a daze for a couple of minutes. Have I made the right choice? My friends would have chosen Advanced Mathematics. I remembered a close friend who was a B.Sc. Maths student and one year senior to me and to whom I would go occasionally when a difficult problem confounded me. Maybe choosing Advanced Mathematics would have helped my cause, I thought. But thankfully, the question paper on Chemistry absorbed my attention and I completed the exam and came out. We gathered in the corridor and were discussing the question paper, as all students do. Imagine my horror, when I couldn't find even one friend who had chosen Chemistry. I thought I was the biggest fool. Their next words lessened my anxiety a bit. Each of them said that the Advanced Mathematics paper was very tough. We do sympathize with others' misery; but when our misery is less, we secretly rejoice.

None of my friends got through, but I was selected!

I could not see it then, but now I see a silver lining in all this drama. If I had been the first student who was approached by the invigilator, what would I have said?