If...

My wife and I need to meet our cousin who lives about 25 kms away. There are multiple routes to reach her place, and before we leave, we discuss the options. I feel going through the "ring road" is quicker since the roads are wider, and there are less signals to pass through. However, the route is longer by about 6 kms. The route via the city centre, though shorter, has more signals. Anyway, the options are only regarding which route takes longer. We don't want to be stuck on the road for a long time. No fun in that and with petrol prices at stratospheric levels, we cannot afford that too!

We choose the ring road, the over-riding reason being that I am driving the car. But we didn't contend with the traffic jam today. There are at least three places where the traffic is insane and at each place we spend almost 10 minutes navigating through 6 lanes of vehicles of all description crammed into three lanes of traffic, with motorbikes occupying all intervening spaces. With the stop-start-stop being the norm, my wife also starts the same "start commenting, stop commenting, start commenting". If you had listened to me, if you had driven through the city, if I had not finished dinner before leaving as you wanted me to, if...if...

How can wives know where the traffic will be lighter? Beats me. But during occasions such as these, they pretend they have a seventh sense (the sense to detect traffic jams).

We do tend to look back at various points in our lives to pause and reflect. If only I had prepared for my CAT more thoroughly, if I had applied for a US university, if I had not taken up my job at XYZ, if I had done this, if I had not done that...

In fights with my wife, we have said many things to each other including if we had not married each other. I have often thought of this, honestly..

Life is full of choices. We are confronted with this right from our school days, where our parents make the choices on behalf of us. They choose our schools and from there we form friendships and alliances and networks. These are some of the strongest influences in our lives. We remember many of our school friends even later on in life. Thanks to the internet and social networking sites, we can remain connected even when we are into our fifties. Later on when we move to higher classes, we need to make our own choices. The most important "fork in our life" comes when we move from X std. to junior college or Plus 1 or XI (depending on the board of education). Science, Arts, or commerce? PCMB or PCMC? Commerce with Economics and Statistics or Business studies? The decisions we take here determine the path along which we will travel for the rest of our lives. Oftentimes we consider ourselves too immature to take these decisions and leave them to our parents to decide. The more "mature" ones have even "maturer parents" who want their kids to take a particular course. Entrance exams, colleges, courses, jobs... and the list goes on probably culminating in "choosing" the life partner.

"I think Arup (name changed) should have taken metallurgy in NIT Jaipur instead of studying electrical engineering in a Bangalore college. You (this to her husband) told us then when we went for counselling that Arup need not go to Jaipur. The college is not so good. But now Lalitha's son, Prashanth, has completed B.E. Computer science from NIT Jaipur and has got admission in a US University. If only Arup had joined NIT Jaipur...."

It is comforting to live in the past and examine each decision and choice with the benefit of hindsight (which has 20/20 vision) and then find fault with one's own choice or with the choice of the partners. In my opinion, this is wishful thinking and doesn't take us anywhere. You cannot drive a car constantly looking at your rear view mirror. You only look at it occasionally to see what is behind you. Drive looking ahead.

Leave the "ifs" in the realm of flowcharting where it truly belongs. You need to ask yourself many questions starting with "if" while flowcharting, to understand the various choices people in the process make. What do you do if the invoice doesn't have the PAN number of the supplier? What will you do if there is no budget this year for the item indented, but it is a critical item needed now? Ask innumerable questions with IF at each stage of your process while creating your flowchart for the process that you are studying to determine what actions people take under various situations. 

However, do not live your life with an IF.

Fork in life

I have often been struck by the wide variance I see in our life consequent to a certain decision taken at a particular time in our lives. Marriage may be the obvious event which characterizes the "fork" (let us call it a fork in our life). However, there are other significant events that may have occurred in our journey and it is important to recognize them.

I can think of one of the most important "forks" in my life. It was an entrance test for admission to a 3-year BE program at Indian Institute of Science, Bangalore in 1977. There were 4 papers that one had to take. Physics, Mathematics, and General Knowledge were compulsory, while for the fourth paper one had a choice. One could either choose Chemistry or Advanced Mathematics. I had just completed my B.Sc. with a major in Physics (major signified that I had 8 papers in Physics spread over 3 years, whereas for the minors, that is, Chemistry and Mathematics, I had two papers each) and hence just before the commencement of the "optional paper", my friends and I were debating as to which would be a better choice which could maximize the probability of our admission to the Institute. I was undecided and realized with a sinking heart that neither would in my case! My friends decided to opt for Advanced Mathematics since Chemistry was our minor and it was felt that we didn't have the necessary "memory" to remember all the complex formulas that would most likely be asked.

The one good thing about this option was that we could defer the decision of our choice till the time of the distribution of the question papers. I was still undecided when we sat down in the exam hall. My mind was in a confused state. I thought my advanced maths level was just average; but my chemistry knowledge was no better. What should I do? I cursed myself for not trying for REC's immediately after my Higher Secondary. I remembered a cousin who after seeing my marks had commented that I could have got a seat in REC Trichy and a good branch without any trouble. And entrance to REC's was only based on Higher Secondary marks.There was no entrance exam. I cursed my decision to do a B.Sc. course without thinking through the consequences of doing an under-graduate program in sciences when research was not my cup of tea. I should have known. I flunked a project for my National Science talent and did a very poor job. That experience should have taught me important lessons in understanding my capabilities. I was a fool twice over. I thought I had no future.

The invigilator had commenced distribution of the question papers and he was asking each candidate which paper he/she wanted to write. As far as I can recollect now, most had a very assured air about them when they said, "Chemistry" or "Advanced Mathematics". I was still unsure. The invigilator was moving closer towards me with two bundles of question papers in his hand. I had to take a decision. This was going to be one of the most important decisions in my life. Which paper should I write? Could someone help me? Please...

Time marches on inexorably. We sometimes want Father Time to stop, but it doesn't. The invigilator was performing his duty with utmost efficiency and before I realized it, he was near me. "Chemistry? or Advanced Mathematics?" he asked with raised eyebrows. I may have hesitated for a micro-second before blurting out 'Chemistry'. He calmly handed over the Chemistry paper before moving on, scarcely noticing the terror he had left in his wake. My choice was instinctive, not based on a serious introspection of my capabilities and limitations. I was a fool not to have seriously thought it over and prepared more systematically. It was too late. My fate was sealed now.

The questions asked are buried deep in the archives of my memory bank (or so I hope), so I do not remember even one question. I was in a daze for a couple of minutes. Have I made the right choice? My friends would have chosen Advanced Mathematics. I remembered a close friend who was a B.Sc. Maths student and one year senior to me and to whom I would go occasionally when a difficult problem confounded me. Maybe choosing Advanced Mathematics would have helped my cause, I thought. But thankfully, the question paper on Chemistry absorbed my attention and I completed the exam and came out. We gathered in the corridor and were discussing the question paper, as all students do. Imagine my horror, when I couldn't find even one friend who had chosen Chemistry. I thought I was the biggest fool. Their next words lessened my anxiety a bit. Each of them said that the Advanced Mathematics paper was very tough. We do sympathize with others' misery; but when our misery is less, we secretly rejoice.

None of my friends got through, but I was selected!

I could not see it then, but now I see a silver lining in all this drama. If I had been the first student who was approached by the invigilator, what would I have said?